A little bit late but 50th year milestone complete: Speech at my Nursing School graduation
The Sun☀️ 1979: The Original
The sun is such a beautiful thing
But I never saw it with a wing.
When moonlight fills the sky so bright,
The sun is no longer in sight.
The sun fills my heart with joys,
In quietness and not much noise.
The sun makes the birds come out and play,
But if I go near them, they’ll fly away.
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The Sun☀️ 2019: 40th Anniversary Update
The sun is such a beautiful thing
Bestowing life with the light it brings
It’s sunbeams fill my heart with joys
In warm stillness and peaceful noise
Then moonlight fills the sky less bright
And starlights twinkle in the night
‘Til sunshine summons birds to play
But if I go near them, they’ll fly away
Our Money Should Say “We Disagree But Blend Together”
I am a human American who happens to have liberal political views. I believe that any non-criminal who desires to live in this country should be free to do so in the style of his or her choosing, that all citizens should be engaged in the political process and that the role of our government is to work in good faith on behalf of all types of Americans to facilitate our free, peaceful and productive coexistence.
The above is simply an introduction and not an attempt to get everyone to agree with my particular point of view on American values. I don’t believe we’d be living in America if we all agreed. But I do believe that, as citizens, we need to stop drawing the lines of R & D between us and stop judging one another using only our political affiliation. In my experience, most of us don’t fit neatly into those party boxes; and that is a good thing.
Disagreement is not the reason why America is so divided. Nor could it ever be. America exists because humans disagree. The Founders did not believe that one person or religion or way of life should rule free people. They declared independence because they believed it was self-evident that all Men are created equal. They wanted all Americans to be free to peacefully disagree as equals while pursuing whatever individual dreams, beliefs and lifestyles they could imagine.
Disagreement is why there are checks and balances built into our government. It is why the First Amendment exists. It is why slavery and the denial of slaves’ rights were not enshrined into the Constitution. Disagreement is the given, America is the attempt at a solution.
What is dividing us today is a bastardization of disagreement, based not in a respectful acknowledgement of differences, but in competition, mistrust and division. You know it as Blind Party Loyalty; aka Party First; aka Party Over Country; aka Believe only those who agree with you always.
Blind Party Loyalty (BPL) is toxic because it perpetuates the misguided idea that politics is a sport and that this country is made up of two distinct teams, who are mortal enemies. According to BPL, the political parties are not in place to check and balance each other, but to obstruct and defeat one another by any means necessary. BPL ignores that the parties could never be two distinct teams because they need to be two sides of one team, the offense and defense of Team USA; working together to blend rather than exploit our divergent cultures and needs. Check and balance ensures our democracy endures. Obstruct and defeat makes no such promise.
But BPL does not allow for bipartisan teamwork or balancing of any kind. BPL means that the other side’s ideas, agendas and candidates can never be acceptable. Nothing the other side says or does is reasonable or correct, in all instances regardless of context or circumstance or evidence, yet everything your side says or does is reasonable and correct, in all instances regardless of context or circumstance or evidence. BPL demands that you will fit neatly into that party box. It insists that it’s possible for America to succeed if one side is more concerned with crushing the other side than with governing both sides. In short, BPL guarantees Team USA failure and prevents unity.
There is only one way that I can think of to combat the Blind Party Loyalty epidemic. It may sound radical, but as private citizens we need to forget about the labels of Republican vs Democrat; Red vs Blue; Conservative vs Liberal; Us vs Them; Team vs Team; forget there are sides. Citizens who think of each other in only those terms do not serve this country in any positive way. Average Americans have no need to compete with each other on that level.
Let’s leave the sides & the party boxes to the elected officials. Private citizens don’t need to check and balance each other; our votes do that for us. But we do need to start thinking of ourselves as one united body. Not united in our political views, but united in our commitment to check and balance our public servants and our entire government. Not just when it comes to the rival “team”, but all the time with all the public servants.
We are meant to disagree, but blend together. To me, what makes America exceptional is that our Founding Documents implore us to accept all types of humans as equals and live peacefully beside them as neighbors. Acceptance of all and respect for all is the price we pay for our own true freedom. In the words of MLK, Jr., “No is free until we are all free.” If we are not always striving toward the self-evident truth of equality, what was the point of declaring it along with our independence?
We all have access to the same information. We have to be willing to look outside of our own worldview, gather different perspectives, engage respectfully with fellow citizens, accept each other’s differences and everyone’s right to have them, listen and understand and finally use all of that to form and evolve your own opinions. We have to be willing to have informed opinions.
The idea that it’s taboo to speak publicly about politics is outdated and a large part of the reason we had the candidates we did in 2016. When we close ourselves off from any information that disagrees with our personal worldview, we disagree with American democracy. In a government of the people, by the people and for the people, it is the responsibility of all of the people to remain informed and engaged. We can’t just expect the government to run smoothly and benevolently without us, when the government is us.
I don't know about any of you but my FB feed consists of people and opinions from every demographic in this country. For the past few days, I have been looking at posts from Americans who are being told to their face that they are no longer welcome in this country because of their ethnicity next to posts from Americans who are laughing at anyone who might feel negatively affected by this election. Friends who are bracing themselves and their families for the consequences of electing a candidate endorsed by the nation's largest police union, the NRA and the KKK along with a VP who believes shock therapy cures homosexuality, next to friends telling everyone to settle down and be quiet for worrying something bad might happen to their civil rights.
I am obviously unhappy with the results of this election. I believe Trump's campaign presented an unqualified, unethical, egomaniacal, emotionally-immature bigot who doesn't have enough respect for this country to believe it could manage to elect a legitimate president these last 2 terms. I desperately want to believe, as many of you already do, that he is not those things and that the ¾ of this country who did not vote for him and the majority of the world have it so wrong to think he may be dangerous. I desperately want to believe the KKK is wrong to be excited about him. My posts the past few days have been my own small attempt to understand the viewpoints of people who voted for Trump; good people who just simply don’t see the world the same way I do. I'm grateful to those who jumped in on both sides in the spirit of understanding each other. The Trump’s we see are so different, it’s almost surreal. I keep feeling as though I’m missing something because the evidence of MY Trump, in MY bubble is so clear and so outside of my own sensibilities that it’s hard to fathom that everyone can’t see what I see when I look at him. But of course they don’t. And of course they shouldn’t. Because this is America and if we all agreed then it wouldn’t be.
We all need to come together now, accept Trump as our next President and give him a chance to lead. I disagree that anyone should be protesting the results of this election, and my vagina is personally ok with the fact that Hillary won't be our next President. But I can't be quiet and neither should any of you who care about this country, because being quiet and polite is what has made us so divided in the first place and is the opposite of what this country needs right now or has ever needed. We are not going to bridge the GIANT gaps that divide us if we don’t do a better job of trying to understand each other instead of living in the comfort of our own bubbles. This election has reminded me that it’s not up to the government or the parties or the politicians to get the American people to understand each other better and make each other better, it is up to all of us. Everyday. Our government is us. One team, working together to form a more perfect union.
Moving forward, I want to invite anyone who is interested in doing that to use my FB page at any time to start a discussion or ask a question or seek an opposing viewpoint. I'm happy to be connected to many differing ones and to provide a space where they can come together in a civil and respectful way. I hope we can and we do.
😊🙏🏻❤️🤗
#peace
Dwight Shrute
Rhoda Morgenstern
Mrs. Patty Poole
Chachi Arcola
Mr. Ralph Furley
Wesley T. Owens
Roz Russell
Andrew Squiggman
Cosmo Kramer
Vinny Barbarino
Shirley Wilson
Karen Walker
Willona Woods
Events like Sandy bring everyone together - even in the middle of a nasty election. There has been a lot of talk this week about Governor Christie, the keynote speaker at the RNC, putting aside partisan politics to speak honestly about his thoughts on President Obama’s leadership during the storm. To me, it’s sad that it truly is newsworthy that a Republican governor put his constituents, his job & his state before bashing our President - and it’s downright pathetic that some people are actually bashing Christie for doing it.
It doesn't have to be this way. We don’t have to only come together as a nation when something bad happens. We really can work together all the time. Politics is not a sport. The political parties are not opposing teams. Like it or not, Americans are all on one team - supposedly working toward the same goals; simply checking & balancing each other. If you are someone who votes for either candidate simply because you want the other side to fail, you are rooting for America to fail. If you believe that America can truly succeed when half of its citizens - including the leadership of the opposing party - are actively encouraging the failure of the President, you haven’t taken the time to understand how our democracy works. Imagine a basketball player blocking his own team’s shots because he didn’t like the way his point guard played the game. Imagine a centerfielder who refused to make catches so his pitcher would struggle - and then bashed the pitcher for failing to get the win. In sports it’s a laughable and ridiculous notion to think that would lead to team success. Yet somehow when it comes to government, many, many people are all for this approach.
So here is my humble plea to America: Stop hating people just because you disagree with them and realize that those disagreements are the very reason this country exists. The founding fathers envisioned having one place on earth where everyone gets to be exactly who they want to be and believe exactly what they want to believe and no one can tell them they can’t. That's what America is about. And it will never prosper when either party is solely focused on bragging rights. Unlike sports, government actually affects the quality of our everyday lives in this country.
I think that childhood obesity could be eliminated if we simply convince all the children of the world that ice is a dessert item. It would be so easy. Simply tell them all that ice-cold nothingness is a flavorful and delicious treat and then vehemently deny the existence of sugar. They’ll believe you and grow up in a world where they can have all the snacks and desserts they want, without the added pounds, health issues, hyperactivity and parental nagging. And by the time they figure it out, they’ll be well past the stage where it can really be considered “childhood” obesity – and, as an added bonus, will not be addicted to sugar! Problem solved.
I understand it may sound crazy and impossible to consider keeping sugar and sweets a secret from kids, but let’s face it; sugar is pretty much the crack of your single-digit years. Something drastic must be done. We all know that many, many people have absolutely no problem allowing their children to believe that both an old man and a giant bunny break into every house on the planet one night a year. Or that someone is willing to pay good money and maybe a pack of sugarless gum for their teeth (someone who also breaks into the house at night). And I would argue that the majority of the country is currently denying the existence of homosexuality until their kids figure it out for themselves. A whole population of actual people!
Yet it’s ridiculous to think we might be able to keep sugar a secret?!?! At least when kids find out we lied about sugar, they can be comforted by the knowledge that we spared them from obesity. They can’t really get pissed at you for that. So I say, let them eat ice! But not just any ice - Icey Ice, the delicious and nutritious anytime treat!
Let me start off by saying that I’m not one of those females with a bug-killing issue. It’s certainly not my favorite thing to do, but I have smushed more than my fair share of spiders, mosquitos, flies, ants and assorted other insects in order to sleep peacefully through the night, safe in the knowledge that nothing will be crawling on me while I do. Moths too. As far as anything larger than a bug, my only experience with killing was once tearing the backs off of live Dungeness crabs when the seafood market was too close to closing time to be willing to do it for me, after which I had nightmares for 3 days. I’m not a killer. (And apparently my rationale for bugs is self-defense.)
One night I was staying at a friend’s apartment when I heard something rattling around in the kitchen. It was about 9pm and the only lights on were under the cabinets. I go in to check things out and what do I see but the single largest moth I’ve ever laid eyes on. I’m no expert but I firmly believe it could have just as easily fallen into the small bird category, also known in my world as the “too big to kill” category. One look at that moth and I knew 3 nights of nightmares was not worth it so I shut the lights in the kitchen, turned on a light in the back room, opened the back door and by the time I went to bed assumed it had showed itself out.
The next night I am standing in the kitchen when I hear something rummaging around in the laundry room. As I move towards it and ponder what manner of wildlife I’m rooming with tonight, the moth shoots past me, free at last to fly toward the light of the under-cabinets once more! Clearly he did not show himself out after all but instead took shelter among the cleaning supplies for the night, resting up for another delightful round of “crash repeatedly and with alarming speed into the light, wall and countertop.” The moth is going nuts and my mind is racing. I throw open the kitchen window, grab the first thing I could find on the counter – an empty plate – and then, of course, attempt to reason with a giant moth. Which went something to the effect of: “OK Moth, we both want the same thing here… for you to leave the house alive. I really have no idea how this is going to happen, what with you slamming your little body into the light over and over, never seeming to see that it’s not moving either of us closer to a solution here tonight.”
As this monologue is happening and apparently under the impression that apoplectic, winged creatures respond to stoneware, I am attempting to use the plate and a pencil to somehow shepard the moth the 5 or so feet from the cabinets to the open window. The moth’s response is to use the plate as one more surface at which to fling himself, now frantically bouncing off in 4 directions instead of 3. And I’m still babbling incoherently, “Look Moth, I know you don’t know what to do but FREAKING OUT is not going to solve anything. We both want to get you out of here safely and be free. But I can’t do it alone, Moth, I need your help. Come on, Moth, help me help you here.” Bouncing madness. Again, “HELP ME HELP YOU, MOTH!”
When suddenly the moth stopped dead and stood perfectly still on the counter. I quickly brought over my tools. And then, with just a gentle nudge, he stepped onto the edge of the plate and there he sat while I brought the plate outside the open window, when he took off into the night and I said to myself “I think I just bonded with a moth.”
Situation: I’m on a blanket in the park, listening to my ipod and soaking up some sun when suddenly a perfect stranger appears to ask if I’d be willing to watch her things while she runs to a bathroom. Now, in theory I have absolutely no problem with this whatsoever. I tell her as much and she is off. I then take a quick visual inventory of her possessions from my own blanket, glance around to see if anyone is eyeing them suspiciously and take comfort in the fact that this will most likely be an easy favor, a walk in the park if you will.
But of course my brain is already racing… what if it isn’t? The very fact that she’s concerned enough to ask a trustworthy-“looking” and/or nearby stranger to watch over her things implies she believes there’s at least a remote possibility of her things being stolen.
So what if someone does comes along and grab something?
What exactly are my responsibilities here?
Do I need to run over there and attempt to prevent the crime since I technically now have power of attorney over her things?
Or do I only take action if something is taken?
And what if something is taken?
Am I supposed to run after the guy? If yes I should probably be stretching a bit - especially since I’ll be doing so in flip-flops. Furthermore, clearly this means there are indeed criminals in the park so who will watch MY stuff while I’m chasing down a perp for this urinating stranger?
As I am fully absorbed in surveying the park dwellers for the second most-trustworthy looking stranger, my protectee returns from the bathroom, throws a nod of gratitude my way and probably never realizes just how safe her things were on my watch. And I can stop worrying about any of it and go back to my tunes.
As it was for many others, 2009 was a tough, tough year for me. But now that it’s over, I find myself grateful for it. I learned A LOT about myself and the world and I know that I’ve been honest and objective enough with myself to be able to use what I’ve learned to evolve. From where I stand today, I see what had to happen for me to be ready to actually start this blog. I had to remove every unsupportive distraction from my life and finally understand how to truly focus on myself. The hardest part has been figuring out how to slow down the wheels in my head long enough to make sense of it all. Which eventually got me to thinking…over the course of my veryclose to 40 years, I have been told a lot of things about myself that have stuck with me*, allowing those wheels to keep turning:
*In no particular order and not a complete list of things I have been told over my lifetime.
That I am quirky, unique, strong, brave, smart, angry, hateful, a surly motherfucker, F’ing nuts, that I’ve been considered as a reason to commit suicide, my hair is too big to take me seriously, it was only about the money, stand-up comedy is so easy anyone could do it. That I’m stubborn, unclear, unrealistic, inspirational, funny, skinny, chunky, I have kind eyes, a big heart and I march to the beat of a different drummer.
That I’m annoying, not worth listening to, too intense, my love life is pathetic, I’m intimidating, I’m wrong, I slouch, I should never get trapped by my salary, I write like a writer, I smoke too much weed, I have special blood, a quiet confidence and an attitude problem. That I’m gay, straight, bisexual, bipolar, honest, brilliant, and I look like a boy.
That I’m bossy, I think I'm perfect, I have to have the last word, I think I’m always right, I’m opinionated, I’m hysterical, I’m lazy, insane, the sane one, I'd be a good mom, I require too much of a learning curve, I’m quick, I’m on the ball, I should have been a lawyer, I'm not doing my job, I'm good at my job, a fuck up, rebellious, disrespectful, mean, a bitch, trustworthy, a smart ass, an all-star, a dork, adorable, cool, hot, cold, warm, a loner, a social butterfly, a unifier, an explorer, adventurous, depressed, missed, worried about, a renaissance woman, a mentor, insightful, defiant, creative, too logical, ridiculous. To own it, to create my own opportunities, to pull over & let myself out of the car in the middle of the NYS thruway at 9pm.
That I should give up, keep going, get help. That I'll figure it out myself, that therapy isn't helping me, that being with me was a drunken mistake, that people are proud of me. That I'm admired, a rock, awkward. That I’m a Catholic, an atheist, an agnostic, a Buddhist and definitely a Jew.
That he’ll always be my father. That I have a sense of where people are coming from, a great sense of direction, I’m lacking direction and lost. I’m intuitive, give good advice, clingy, anal, a liar. I've outstayed my welcome. That it gets better, it's all downhill from here, I think too much, I should leave a quarter if I borrow a Q-tip, I’m great at networking, I’m secretly in charge, I need to put myself out there more, I didn't do my due diligence, I went above and beyond expectations, I have too many walls up, I was exactly the right person at a very important moment, I have good instincts, a genuine laugh, I’m a tortured genius, I talk too much, I'm shy, I’m outgoing, I’m fun, I was a scribe in ancient Egypt.
That I did the right thing, I made a big mistake, I have so much potential, I take the party up a notch, I’m crazy for picking people up from the airport, I'm generous, my opinion is respected, my feelings are inaccurate, I must have done something terrible in a past life, I’m one of those people that great things just happen to, that people don’t know how to help me, that people don’t have friends like me, that people who get close to me must be idiots, that it would be awful to live inside my head and that I should go to the ladies room if I’m going to pick my teeth. That I am over-sensitive, over-bearing, over-reacting, over-analyzing, over-thinking.
The point is that I have felt loved and hated, idolized and ignored. Sometimes all by the same person. I have experienced too many mixed messages coming from too many disparate sources to ever truly know which to believe and when. And I’ve added my share.
So while I want and appreciate the honest opinions and feedback of others, in the end I am the only one who can decide which of the above are true. And I feel qualified to do that because I feel I have a decent understanding of who I am and what I believe. More importantly for me, I take the time to understand why I believe it. And more importantly still, that answer is never “because ______ believes it”. I simply refuse to be someone I’m not based on the expectations of others. It’s just who I am. Knowing that is what slows down the wheels in my head and gives me one consistent guiding voice; my truth.
I find that there is so much less chaos in the truth. Own it. Use it. Grow. Keep Moving Forward.
I finally feel ready(ish) to share that voice…with all 5 of you that are still reading…because these are the things I think about.
Technology is turning us into zombies, a little bit. Don’t get me wrong, I love technology, I love how it makes the world smaller, I love how it makes life easier and less stressful, I truly consider my iPhone the next best thing to a husband…especially because it is not afraid to ask for directions and always wants to watch the movies I want to watch.
HOWEVER, have you ever been in this scenario in the supermarket? You’re attempting to leave an aisle and you can’t because the person in front of you is slowly, slowly, shuffling along, very slowly. You quickly think to yourself, this person is:
a) Disabled
b) Elderly
c) Back from the dead
d) TEXTING!!!!
If it’s a) and/or b), I’m happy to wait for you, please take your time. But both of these options can generally be ruled out rather quickly, even from behind. If it’s c), uh, then I don’t even care about ruling it out, no need for me to be loitering near any fellow shopper I even remotely suspect of being a zombie. But if it's d) then get the fuck out of my way!! Seriously! I’m not spending my whole night in aisle 6 so you can text "sup?” to random persons on your contact list that you have deemed most likely to respond!
What would you do if you weren’t afraid?
Would you live by the choices that others have made?
Would you forget about answers you’re longing to find?
Would you disregard dreams? Would you leave hopes behind?
Would you still be the person that fear makes you be?
If you weren’t afraid to set yourself free?
No, I would outline each dream to which I’ve aspired
I would list all good traits I have ever admired
I would go on a journey whose end was unknown
And vow to attain all those things for my own
I would dare to discover just who I’d become
Absent the fear that might make me succumb
Then gather your strength, you will find it essential
To follow your heart and fulfill your potential
And remember my friend if you need inspiration
This isn’t about your path’s destination
Your journey is only about what you’ll see
While becoming the person you knew you could be
Fear is a captor; we don’t owe it our trust
It’s hold on our hearts is completely unjust
Someday you’ll realize that all you had done
Was due to the fact that fear had not won
What would I do if I weren’t afraid?
Just allow no regrets for the choices I’d made